You might be a Gator if....

* You ever cut your grass and found a car.
* You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
* You think the stock market has a fence around it.
* Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
* You own four cars and no hubcaps.
* Your idea of a great Christmas present is a gift certificate to the local
  bail bondsman
* Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
* Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
* You burn your yard rather than mow it.
* Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a
  bath."
* You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as "the day my
  ship came in."
* You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
* The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
* You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
* Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the
  Governor to spare a loved one.
* Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hall because of
  her language.
* Someone asks, "Where's your bowling bag?" and you answer, "She's at home
  with the kids."
* Birds are attracted to your beard.
* Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
* You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
* You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
* You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberatley.
* You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
* You clean your fingernails with a stick.
* Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
* You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
* You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look
  nice.
* Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
* Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
* Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
* You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
* There are more than five McDonald's bags currently in the floorboard of
  your car.
* The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
* There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
* You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
* The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
* You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
* You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
* You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
* Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
* The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.
* You've ever bought a used cap.
* Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.
* You pick your teeth from a catalog.
* You've ever financed a tatoo.
* You've ever stolen toilet paper.
* People hear your car a long time before they see it.
* The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
* You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
* You take a fishing pole into Sea World.
* You've ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of
  nature.
* You think the French Riviera is foreign car.
* You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.
* You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
* Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
* MOTEL 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.
* You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off.
* You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
* Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her mouth before telling
  the state trooper to kiss her ass.
* Your pocket knife often doubles as a toothpick.
* You own a denim leisure suit.
* Your dog has a litter of puppies on the living room floor and nobody
  notices.
* Your family tree does not fork.
* You see no need to stop at rest stops because you have an empty milk jug
  in the car.
* You have a rag for a gas cap.
* The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
* You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.
* You show your boyfriend you really love him by carving his name on your
  arm.
* You've ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge
  clearance restrictions.
* You've ever had to scratch your sisters name out of a message that
  begins, "For a good time call...."
* You ever hit on somebody in a V.D. clinic.
* Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
* You bought a VCR because wrestling is on while your at work.
* After the Prom you drove the truck while your date hit road signs with
  beer bottles.
* Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
* All of your four letter words are two syllables.
* You've ever been too drunk to fish.
* You cut your toenails in front of company.
* You view the upcoming family reunion as a chance to meet women.
* Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
* Hitchhikers won't get in the car with you.
* You've ever heard a sheep bleat and had romantic thoughts.
* Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
* You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
* You can spit without opening your mouth.
* You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
* You call your boss "dude".
* You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
* You have grease under your toenails.
* You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
* Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
* You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
* You've ever been fired from a construction job because of your
  appearance.
* You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
* You've ever cleaned fish in your living room.
* You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
* You've ever had sex with your buddy's wife in a Waffle House restroom
  after a UF home game.


That is All!

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Steve Masterman-Smith           CBS SportsLine